When murder of the innocent becomes the norm

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WHAT DO YOU SEE?

            As I sit here in front of this screen, it's extremely hard to express what I am feeling at this very moment. I really don't think there are words that can accurately describe not only what I am feeling right now, but how I feel every single minute of every single day of my life. The scene that stood out to me the most is documented at the beginning of this reflection. What do you see going on in this scene? I will try my best to put into words what I felt as I watched this documentary, the word that comes to mind is "RAGE"!!! Some will never know what it is like to live in a constant state of rage and that's fine I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. It's been said that the relations between the police and MY community is turbulent given the recent evens that have been in the media. It blows my mind every time I hear that statement because the truth of the matter is the relations between the police and MY community has NEVER been good. The fact that the police were born out of the "Slave Patrols" has never been lost on me, in fact it explains a whole lot. (to see more on "Slave Patrols" I have included a link on the topic ⇩ at the bottom of the page) I DON'T know what "officer friendly" looks like, I DO know what it's like to see them come into your neighborhood, your home and car, constantly reminding you and the community around you that "you have no rights and what are you going to do about it. I DO know the terror and helplessness that is felt after being violated, after watching those you know and love come up missing, some were found dead while others had been imprisoned with no charges. I know what it's like to file complaints and be COMPLETELY ignored and told that there was no wrong doing, stop starting trouble and it's just our perception. I know what it's like to speak out anyway and those that are on the outside looking in seem not to see it, don't care or feel that it's not their problem so they say nothing. I know what it is like to be told that you are lying on the police and the police are good guys. So NO it's not because of recent events that the relations between MY community and the police is what it is. Things are the way they are because killing us, stopping and frisking us,  beating us, locking us up on trumped up charges or no charges at all etc. is not new, it is the recording of these murders and injustices that is new. 
     The horrific reality is that even with these atrocities being filmed and caught on cameras, proving what we have been saying all along was true and not just our perception, there still remains little to NO ACCOUNTABILITY, it's truly a slap in the face. So when I use the word RAGE I truly mean just that. Not everyone knows what it's like for your skin to be your sin. Not everybody knows what it is like to know that many feel that your life is worth less than a dog. Not everyone feels fear when ever the police is in the vicinity, not because you are guilty but because if you come into contact with them you may not survive the encounter simply because of the color of your skin. Not everyone can understand or even fathom the fear a mother from my community feels when her son leaves the house, be it driving, riding a bike, riding with friends or even walking. I know what it is like to hug my sons just a little tighter and little longer because the truth of the matter is that even with all of the proper instructions given and practiced, even with the proper ID, insurance, registration, if they should have an encounter with the police  they may just become the next hash tag.           To live in a world where your skin is your sin is not only difficult, but it is extremely dangerous and at time down right deadly. The rage comes when you become a victim of police violence and your family, friends and love ones are left with the aftermath of picking up the pieces. The rage comes that as we cry We march, we speak out, we protest,we sue, and we shed so many tears it's a wonder that we have any left and in the end nothing changes. The rage grows even more when you and other protesters that look like you are called thugs, trouble makers and selfish. As the rage continues to grow we continue to cry out for justice, and as we shout that " OUR LIVES MATTER" we are slapped in the face with angry voices screaming "ALL LIVES MATTER" or "POLICE LIVES MATTER"(I wonder if indeed all lives truly did matter  why aren't they marching and crying out for justice with us. I wonder why they can't see the injustice as innocent bodies lay in the streets like a discarded rag doll. Through tear stained eyes I watch these angry individuals and I wonder where were they when the execution of Sean Bell, Philando Castile, Tamir Rice, Alton Sterling, Korryn Gaines and the list goes on, was being aired around the clock on every media outlet around the world. Rage at this point is an understatement, we have been suffering all types of gross injustices and the innocent are still being slaughtered, the only difference between then and now is that it's recorded and splattered everywhere, from social media to main stream media, as the next hash tag until the next murder.
     So you asked what emotions were evoked while watching this particular documentary, well being as though what was on this documentary is a intricate part of my life,  it was no different than what I see daily live and in living color, it was just happening somewhere else. They say that all police aren't bad and my question is always, "if what you say is true, where are the good police and why aren't they arresting the bad police" and for the most part I'm often met with over whelming silence while the slaughter or our men, women and children continue and innocent blood and tears consistently and repeatedly run red in the street. 
There is absolutely nothing wrong with the film, it is justice or the lack there of that fuels this rage and constant fight for justice! Who do you call when police murder? Will there ever be justice or will it always be just us? While some will write this blog off as the rant of an angry and bitter black woman, and my response to that is, it's not that i'm not bitter but I am angry and feed up with injustice, why aren't you?